is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
