If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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