Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
