We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
