Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He felt like a one man threesome
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
