Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
