HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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