she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
