she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
