Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
