when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
