watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
did you just send me my own nude
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
