I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
