@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
