she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
