i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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