There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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