Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
