Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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