Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
