U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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