M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
