MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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