3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Floor bacon is actually really good
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
