i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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