remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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