I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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