All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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