He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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