Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
