So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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