Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
