I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
