i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
