I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
