oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
