i just made my gag reflex go away.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
