I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
