I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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