Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
