New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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