Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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