why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
