Already got asked if we're dating
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
