People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
