I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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