He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
