how can u be prego again
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
