i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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