but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Someone shit on the floor
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
