So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
