My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
