I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
