"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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