What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
