how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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